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Sex In Marriage

This is a very delicate subject for some people. If you are single you need to go to the article “What About Sex.” This article is for those married couples who want to learn about the blessings that God has for them.

God Wants To Bless You

We need to remember that God has a multitude of blessings for His children. He has more than any one person can ever hope to experience. For instance, a person who never travels far enough north will never be blessed by the Northern Lights. A person who does not learn to scuba dive will never be blessed by the wonders of what lies under the water. A married person will not experience the blessings God has for singles. A childless couple will never experience the blessings God has for parents. Singles will never experience the blessings that God has for married couples.

“The Two Will Become One Flesh”

We can choose the blessings we want to receive. Even within a marriage, we can choose what blessings we want to receive. However, when a couple mariesy, something very special happens which is explained in Gen. 2:24 “The two will become one flesh.” The Hebrew word translated flesh carries two meanings which are “body” and “person.” You are no longer two single individuals; you have been united into a unique creature. A married couple is to function as one person.

Yes, you will still have your individual ideas and interests. And some of these you may not have in common with your spouse. There will probably be activities that you do separately. But, through marriage, you have chosen to live together in a special bond through which God can bring special blessings to you. And you can choose what blessings you want to receive as a couple.

The secret to receiving any blessings in a marriage lies in the phrase “as a couple.” You must work together in harmony and seek the same blessings. What one receives, the other receives. What one rejects, the other will not receive.

The Purpose of Sex

This is especially true in the area of sex in marriage. In the animal world, sex is only for procreation. But human beings are not simply animals. We do have physical bodies, but we also have eternal spirits. We are a unique creation. Genesis 2:7 (KJV): “And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.”

For us, God designed sex for more than just procreation. Sex is for the purpose of uniting two living souls into one unique being. Its purpose is to do more than to just provide sexual excitement. Its purpose is to bring a closeness and intimacy to a married couple that cannot be obtained in any other way.

It seems strange to me that there are people who don’t want this much closeness and intimacy in their marriage. They are happy with just sharing their lives with each other. There is really nothing wrong with that attitude. Unless one spouse wants this closeness and intimacy and the other doesn’t. If you find yourself in this situation, there are a couple of things that you need to remember.

Put Your Spouse First

As a married couple, we are not to live for ourselves but for each other. Three verses in Ephesians help us to understand this. Ephesians 5:22 (NIV): “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For more information on this subject see “For Wives Only.” Ephesians 5:25 (NIV): “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:33 (NIV): “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” For more information on this subject, see “For Husbands Only”

Secondly, when we unite in marriage, our bodies no longer belong just to ourselves. 1 Cor. 7:4 (NIV): “The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.”

 A Little Secret

There is a little secret that many, if not most, couples do not understand. Men and women respond to different stimuli. Wives think: “If I just treat my husband nice and do nice things for him, he will want me.” Husbands think: “If I become a ‘Manly Man,’ my wife will want me.” These may work once in a while. But the truth is just the opposite of what we too often think. We think our spouse will respond to what we will respond to. This is simply not true.

Wives: Men are visually stimulated. They respond to what they see. If your husband is not responding to you as you want, look at yourself. How are you presenting yourself to him? Are you sloppy or have put on too much weight? Do you try to make yourself look pretty for him? These things may not seem important to you, but they will affect how your husband responds to you.

Husbands: Women respond to how they are treated. They respond to the little things that you do for them. Like taking the trash out without being asked. Or taking her out to dinner so she doesn’t have to cook. Or even giving her little gifts for no good reason. These may not seem important to you. But these are things that make women feel important. These are the things that will help her respond to you.

Discover what is important to your spouse and give it to him/her. It may mean changing your life style. It may mean doing some things that are not important to you at all. Just remember, if you want your spouse to respond to you, think like he/she thinks, not like you think.

How To Receive Special Blessings

If you want God to bless your marriage and you want to receive special blessings from God, do not hinder your spouse from receiving any blessing he/she wants to receive from God. This may mean that you will have to change your attitude toward some things. It may mean that you need to start pursuing some things that don’t interest you at the present time. But if your intent is to live for each other (as God wants you to), you will want to make these changes in your life. And you will find the blessings you are looking for.

Some of you may have some specific questions concerning sex in marriage. “I cannot have sex because of a physical problem.” “I have visions of another partner during sex.” “I don’t like sex, but my husband/wife does.” I have written another article that deals with some frank and explicit answers concerning sex. If you are embarrassed by a frank discussion of sex, then you do not need to read that article. However, if you are looking for some answers that have not been answered in this previous discussion, then click on “Sex In Your Marriage.” This link is the only way you can get to this article.