Sex In Your Marriage




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Sex Is For More Than Procreation

Since you clicked on this article, I presume that sex in your marriage is important to you. For the human race, sex is not just for procreation. Neither is it simply for sexual excitement. God created sex for the human race to be an exciting and enriching experience for two people of the opposite sex who are united in marriage. In this article, everything I say about sex is always about sex in marriage.

Sexual intercourse does more than just unite two bodies. Genesis 2:24 (NIV): “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Remember, the Hebrew word translated flesh carries two additional meanings which are “body” and “person.” You are now part of each other.

“Making Love”

The modern term for sexual intercourse is “Making Love.” This is probably a fairly good definition. Sex is to be used to share your intimate love for each other. It does more than unite two physical bodies. It unites to souls. This means that your spirits are also united in this act. You are bonded together, as one person, sharing the most intimate expression of love.

Sex Creates Soul Ties

This uniting of two souls is a very important concept, especially if you have been promiscuous before you were married. Every time you had sex with another person, you created a soul tie with that person. You bring those soul ties with you into your marriage. And when you do, you can never have the close intimate fellowship with your spouse that you want. You will always have the image of those other encounters in your mind.

The reason this happens is that sexual intercourse united two spirits, as well as two physical bodies. 1 Cor. 6:16 (NIV): “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.’” Yes, this Scripture is talking about uniting with a prostitute. But the principle is the same. It doesn’t matter if you pay someone for sex or not, the same union takes place. You create a soul tie.

You can break those other soul ties, but only though true repentance. Read “Can Divorce Be Forgiven” for an understanding of repentance. It might mean that, if it is possible, you have to go and seek forgiveness from those other sexual partners that you had. However, if it would cause more problems than it would solve, don’t do it. But you do need to seek forgiveness from God.

You may have to seek out a Christian counselor. This is also true if your spouse doesn’t know about your previous encounters. However, pick a counselor who centers his/her counseling on Scripture. You need to talk with someone that can guide you through what you must do.

If your spouse knows about your previous partners, you need to seek forgiveness from him/her. You will need to spend time in prayer, together, seeking forgiveness from God. Remember, you are now one flesh and what affects one affect the other.

The Biblical Concept of “Making Love”

Biblical teaching contradicts the world’s conception of “Making Love.” The world looks at it as something sexually exciting to bring pleasure to yourself. Yes, you share sex with another person. But, bringing pleasure to the other person is made secondary to bringing pleasure to yourself.

God says that bringing pleasure to your spouse is primary and bringing pleasure to yourself is secondary. This is why Ephesians 5 is all about putting your spouse ahead of yourself. This makes it of primary importance in the area of sex.

Many couples find it hard to talk to each other about sex. However, if you are going to put your spouse first, you need to know what it is that brings the most pleasure to them. It may seem awkward at first. It may even seem selfish, talking about what “I” want in sex. But what you are doing is trying to help your spouse to fulfill what he/she wants to do and that is to bring real pleasure to you. Isn’t that what you are trying to do for him/her?

What About Physical Problems?

But what if you have a physical problem that keeps you from having sexual intercourse? If it can be corrected, by all means, do it. However, what if it can’t be corrected, or you don’t have the money to have it corrected? All is not lost. Simply remember why God created sex for the human race in the first place. It is to create an intimate bond between the two of you.

A very important concept is found in Matthew 5:28 (NIV): “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Yes, Jesus was talking about unmarried people. However, the concept is that when we desire to have sexual intercourse with another, it takes place on the spiritual level, even if it didn’t take place on the physical level.

Thus, you can share this intimate love with each other simply through cuddling, and petting. You share your intimate love through bringing sexual pleasure to your spouse. This will create and establish the same bond between the two of you that sexual intercourse does for others.  

The Bottom Line

Yes, you can have a good marriage without sex, and you can still experience some of the most exciting and enriching blessings that God created for you within your marriage.