What About Sex?
Sex In America
In our American culture, we cannot get away from thinking about sex. It is portrayed everywhere. It is on billboard ads, newspaper ads, TV ads and in TV programs. The saying “sex sells” is certainly true in our culture. But is this something that should be a part of a Christian’s life? It is for married Christians. Married couples should read the article “Sex In Marriage.”
This becomes a lethal trap for singles and especially Christian singles. Modern America is teaching us that girls are supposed to be sexy. But this is a “turn-on” for single men and it pulls them away from a life of purity. The same is true for a woman who looks at a “sexy” man. Is this really healthy for a Christian?
Sex in the Bible
To get an idea of what God’s law says about this, we only need to look at Matthew 5:28. In this passage, Jesus says: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (NIV) In the next verse, Jesus lets us know how serious this is. Matthew 5:29 (NIV): “If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.”
I Cor. 6:16 (NIV) makes this very clear: “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.’” A prostitute is not only one who receives money for sex, but anyone who engages in sex to gain something for himself/herself. This would include all sex outside of marriage.
Yes, this is talking about adultery which the dictionary defines as: “Voluntary intercourse by a married person with one who is not his or her spouse.” But what defines a married person? One of the definitions of marriage is: “any intimate union.” This is why most states recognize common law marriages.
Common Law Marriages
Common Law Marriages simply recognize the fact found in Genesis 2:24 (NIV): “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” God recognizes that a marriage takes place through the act of sexual intercourse. The state simply does not recognize it until it takes place over a period of time.
But it is not what the state recognizes that is important, but what God recognizes. You need to understand that sexual intercourse not only unites two physical bodies, but also two spirits. According to Gen. 2:24, sexual intercourse unites two single individuals into one unique person. You still have your own individual ideas and interests, but God now sees the two individuals as one new and unique creature.
Is Petting OK?
There are varing opinions concerning petting. Especially controversial is: “Just what constitutes petting?” Is kissing petting? Is rubbing another person’s hair petting? Is touching another persons leg Petting? What about touching another person’s bottom, or a woman’s breasts? Or does it just refer to touching another person’s sexual organs?
According to the Dictionary, petting means: “touching for sexual pleasure, touching between people that causes sexual pleasure but does not include sexual intercourse.” What kind of touching does this include? Actually, it means any kind of touching another person for the purpose of bringing sexual pleasure to oneself.
However, is petting wrong? Actually, the Bible has nothing to say about petting. But let’s look at this truthfully. Why do you want to pet someone else? It is because we have already looked at the person with lust in our heart. We want to get intimate with him/her. Remember what Matt. 5:28 (NIV) says: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
The problem is not what we do with our hands, but what we do with our mind. We have already begun to commit adultery when we think about petting another person. We then commit to adultery when we commit to the act of petting.
Another reason that petting is not OK is that it will lead to the act of sexual intercourse. Petting arouses the senses to the point that we feel that we must fulfill the desires which build up in our heart. But you say: “I can control myself. I don’t have to go all the way.” Many have said that and failed. However, even if you can “control yourself,” you have already committed adultery with her/him in your heart. Remember Matt. 5:28?
How Can We Keep From Being Tempted to Have Sex?
This gets to be very difficult in the society in which we live. We are tempted by all the sights and sounds which surround us. We drive cars on our dates where there are only the two of us in the car. It is very easy and temping to go and “park” somewhere. Besides, everyone else is doing it.
But, as Christians, we are not “everyone else.” We are God’s special children. We have been called out to be special creatures. We are to be God’s examples in the world. We are called out to show the world how God wants us to live. So how do we do this?
Dating should always be in public places, whether it is with a group or just the two of you. But be careful of the public places to which you go. If it is where everyone else is acting out in sexual ways, it is probably not a place for you to be. Church functions are usually a safe place to go, especially if it is a place where Jesus is lifted up.
If the two of you are having spiritual intimacy with God, as a couple, it will be difficult to have physical intimacy with each other. This will not be true after you are married, but it is definitely true while you are single.